Cracker Barrel and Confession Time


Hello, good people of the blog world! It’s been a hot minute! I had an experience that made me realize some unflattering things, and also… a confession.

First, the new love of my life. I’m addicted to cracker barrel. I don’t know why I never appreciated them before, but since this rediscovery, I want to eat there 24/7. I also got a bright pink flamingo tumbler that says “Fairest of the Flock”. I don’t know why I thought it was the cutest thing I’d ever seen, but I really love it. I don’t know what’s happening to me.

More importantly, the real reason I wanted to write, confession time. I have a new boss. He’s already one of my favorite people and I am so very glad I decided to annoy him into hiring me. He is funny to the point I routinely end up yelling at him to shut up so I don’t pee on myself. I don’t yell it to be funny, I’m dead serious. There are also consistent episodes of laughter to the point I’m wheezing and crying and making that weird snarly face I can’t stop when I’ve laughed until my body is revolting. If he continues to do that while I’m driving we both might die. In that case, you fine folks know why.

We decided we had taken enough of the BS work had been handing out about 2 o’clock one afternoon. A coffee run was decided upon and since we work in downtown Nashville, there were plenty of options. Unfortunately, now that summer is upon us and we both live the sweat life, it will limit our wanderings. But, this fine day, we were not yet drenched in sweat and wanting to find something so delicious we no longer felt negative emotions.

Dunkin Donuts was decided upon as they have new ice cream flavored frozen chocolate beverages. Diabetes in a cup.

Important to note is the fact my new bossfriend is visually impaired. He is legally blind and while he has some peripheral sight the center of his vision is completely dark. He’s extremely adept at working around the limitations his disability imposes and I frequently forget it exists. Mostly I just keep an eye out to let him know when it’s best to cross the street (although Nashville is pretty progressive and does have visual and auditory indicators, drivers don’t always pay attention and right on red is hard on those using auditory indicators) and occasionally warn him about gross stuff on the sidewalk he probably doesn’t want to step in. I wouldn’t normally mention any of this but it plays an integral part in this story.

So. Diabetes in a cup was in our future and we were excited. We debated the flavors we wanted, the size we should get (as if we were going to get anything other than the biggest one), how much we were anticipating the cold beverage as we walked more than a few feet, etc. I tried, and failed, to describe the construction on a nearby building and we were both confused about exactly which building it was by the time we got to Dunkin Donuts inside the bus barn. We climbed the stairs, excitedly entered the air conditioning and oddball collection of folks inside the tiny entranceway, and debated the fatty factor of buying muffins AND giant buckets of diabetes.

The individuals working were new and one shift manager type individual was desperately trying to help take orders, make orders, work the cash register, and change out machines/products. She was a workhorse and deserves much more money than I’m sure she’s getting paid. We waited for our drinks and my new bossfriend described his time working in a coffee shop and then eventually managing a coffee shop, pointing out similarities and differences, and while we both agreed it was simpler than what we do now, we both have no interest in going back to food service.

We eventually got our beverages and I got a coffee cake muffin as I had no plans for lunch and figured that made up for it. Don’t judge me. As we walked out into the bright sunlight bossfriend stumbled on the first stair, grabbed the railing, and swung into a tight circle slamming into the handrail. He also made a Woooohoooooewwwwwoooooo sound in a much higher pitch than normal.

This all happened quickly but I had plenty of time to instinctively reach out to help. I could have dropped my drink or my muffin and grabbed for him.

I did neither of those things. My brain’s first instinct was to hold tight to my beverage and muffin. I DID NOT TRY TO HELP SOMEONE WITH A VISUAL IMPAIRMENT NOT FALL DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS!

I’m not proud of this. I was quite startled that in a moment in which I could have helped someone I genuinely like, I stood there staring because those coffee cake muffins are so dang tasty I couldn’t drop it.

He yelled “I hate when I do that! It’s not even because I’m blind it’s because I’m stupid and fat and didn’t bother to drop my drink to grab the railing better!”

And then we both laughed till I was in danger of peeing my pants, discussed how gross and sad we are internally, and marched back up the hill to work.

This doesn’t have an actual point, it’s just the moment I came upon the knowledge I’m not as noble as I like to think I am. Which is sad. But also funny in a really pitiful way. And also, if you have a Dunkin Donuts near you, grab a coffee cake muffin and a banana split frozen chocolate drink. You’re welcome.

PS. We ate at Cracker Barrel for lunch yesterday. Aaaaaand we’re going back today. I know I should consider this is an issue, but I’m just excited and happy about it. Mancandy is as excited about Cracker Barrel as I am, true love right there folks.

PPS. The antics around here have been wild. There will be more postage in the near future. Having a teenager move in has created an interesting new dynamic and I have to give him a nickname now. Feel free to make suggestions. As all the children are generally referred to as mini candies I need a way to indicate the one that lives here now.

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